I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
