Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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