So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
