Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
