Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
