Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
