You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
