you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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