If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
