Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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