yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
