his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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