grandma shit on top of the toilet
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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