How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
