i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
