To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
