dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
