wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
