I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
