she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
