just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
