Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
