Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
