went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
