Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He passed out mid-signature
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
