"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
