He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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