My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
