u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize