The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
