The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
