It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
