Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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