I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
