yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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