If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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