I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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