I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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