Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
