My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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