yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
