I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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