K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
