My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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