Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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