my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
