I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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