I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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