we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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