I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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