i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
