Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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