I want to make a zoo with you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
