you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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