Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
