I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
