You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
