im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
