I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
