hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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