First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Panties = found
Randomize