That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
