and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
