she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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