from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
