I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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