Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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