You don't have asthma, your pregnant
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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