I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Shame - the story of my life.
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