my phone needs a breathalizer
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
