I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
