you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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