How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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