we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
