it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
